Post by Admin on Jul 9, 2020 20:16:51 GMT -7
We live among many today that are easily offended -OR ARE THEY?
Jesus prophesied of our time:
Matthew 24:6 And ye shall hear of wars and rumors of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.
7 For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.
8 All these are the beginning of sorrows.
9 Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name’s sake.
10 And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.
7 For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.
8 All these are the beginning of sorrows.
9 Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name’s sake.
10 And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.
Ezra Taft Benson spoke about Pride:
www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1989/04/beware-of-pride?lang=eng
The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others. In the words of C. S. Lewis: “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.” (Mere Christianity, New York: Macmillan, 1952, pp. 109–10.)
. . .
The scriptures testify that the proud are easily offended and hold grudges. (See 1 Ne. 16:1–3.) They withhold forgiveness to keep another in their debt and to justify their injured feelings.
The proud do not receive counsel or correction easily. (See Prov. 15:10; Amos 5:10.) Defensiveness is used by them to justify and rationalize their frailties and failures. (See Matt. 3:9; John 6:30–59.)
The proud depend upon the world to tell them whether they have value or not. Their self-esteem is determined by where they are judged to be on the ladders of worldly success. They feel worthwhile as individuals if the numbers beneath them in achievement, talent, beauty, or intellect are large enough. Pride is ugly. It says, “If you succeed, I am a failure.”
. . .
The scriptures testify that the proud are easily offended and hold grudges. (See 1 Ne. 16:1–3.) They withhold forgiveness to keep another in their debt and to justify their injured feelings.
The proud do not receive counsel or correction easily. (See Prov. 15:10; Amos 5:10.) Defensiveness is used by them to justify and rationalize their frailties and failures. (See Matt. 3:9; John 6:30–59.)
The proud depend upon the world to tell them whether they have value or not. Their self-esteem is determined by where they are judged to be on the ladders of worldly success. They feel worthwhile as individuals if the numbers beneath them in achievement, talent, beauty, or intellect are large enough. Pride is ugly. It says, “If you succeed, I am a failure.”
Our enemies have discovered that pretending to being offended can be used as a weapon!
How to deal with it?
medium.com/@lianedavey/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-easily-offended-105c711ed1e1
Offence is Deeply Personal
Being offended is not an objective reality. There is no measuring stick of offense. Although, I imagine if there was, it would use the Richter scale… “Ooo-ee, that comment was a magnitude 7.3!” Being offended is an internal response based on how a person interprets a situation. It’s highly subjective. It’s not something you can prove or disprove. If someone is offended, they’re offended.
What Next?
How you respond once you sense (or are told outright) that someone is offended, says a lot about you. You have a few options.
Option #1: Contradict the offended person, tell them why they’re wrong, generally invalidate their feelings. For example, “Don’t be ridiculous, you aren’t actually offended at THAT!” Sure, it’s an option. Not a good option, but an option.
Option #2: Rebut the offensiveness of the statement. For example, “There’s nothing wrong with that joke. It’s not misogynistic. I love women. My mother’s a woman and she finds that joke hilarious!” This strategy is not likely to result in a sudden change of heart from the offended person. It’s more of the keep digging strategy for getting out of a hole.
Option #3: Write the person off. Resolve not to waste your time on someone who’s so hostile. Go stand somewhere else. “I’m just going to go refill my drink, I’ll be right back…” At least this approach doesn’t add insult to injury, but it’s the exact polarizing, retreat into the echo chamber approach that is getting us into trouble.
Option #4: Roll over, give in, feel crappy about yourself is also an option. You might feel so badly about the person taking offence that you change your behaviour, perhaps needlessly. “Oh my goodness, I had no idea that talking about Accounting was offensive to you, I promise I’ll never mention them again!”
In this case, the offended person is imposing their standards on you, which isn’t necessarily appropriate.
1. Confirm your suspicions by sharing what you see. “It looks like what I said didn’t land well with you.” You’ll soon know whether the person took offense or was just taken aback.
2. If the person admits to being offended, don’t bolt. Start by saying, “It wasn’t my intent to offend you,” or “I didn’t realize that was offensive to you.”
3. Ask a question to get the person talking. “How did you interpret what I said?” or “What didn’t I understand?” or “What should I know about how that comment could be interpreted?”
4. Listen for clues and try to figure out the source of their concern. What is it that matters to them that your comment or behavior didn’t mesh with?
5. Validate the person by reflecting what you heard. If they revealed something about their perspective, be sure to show them that you got it. “I get it. You’re tired of the “bean counter” jokes because you’re sick of accounting always being portrayed as boring.”
6. Share your side. If you want to, take the opportunity to share where you’re coming from. “I guess I was just reacting to how much of our time it used on going over financials for things that have already happened. I want to talk about what to do next!”
7. Learn and adapt. Was there something you now understand that causes you to reconsider your position? If so, change your tune from now on. Are you still committed to your point, but willing to frame it differently so it’s less likely to cause offense? Great, that will be an improvement.
8. Thank the person for the conversation. Even if you don’t agree with them. Even if your perspective didn’t change one iota, thank them. At least you learned something, you forged a stronger connection. Just a simple, “Thanks for helping me see your point of view” will suffice.
We’re becoming very polarized lately. Unfortunately, we’re not giving ourselves the opportunity to learn something or work through it because we’re too easily offended by someone else taking offence.
When someone is offended by something you said, push through it and you both might learn something.
For more tips and tools on how to manage the messy stuff on your team, subscribe at lianedavey.com.
Being offended is not an objective reality. There is no measuring stick of offense. Although, I imagine if there was, it would use the Richter scale… “Ooo-ee, that comment was a magnitude 7.3!” Being offended is an internal response based on how a person interprets a situation. It’s highly subjective. It’s not something you can prove or disprove. If someone is offended, they’re offended.
What Next?
How you respond once you sense (or are told outright) that someone is offended, says a lot about you. You have a few options.
Option #1: Contradict the offended person, tell them why they’re wrong, generally invalidate their feelings. For example, “Don’t be ridiculous, you aren’t actually offended at THAT!” Sure, it’s an option. Not a good option, but an option.
Option #2: Rebut the offensiveness of the statement. For example, “There’s nothing wrong with that joke. It’s not misogynistic. I love women. My mother’s a woman and she finds that joke hilarious!” This strategy is not likely to result in a sudden change of heart from the offended person. It’s more of the keep digging strategy for getting out of a hole.
Option #3: Write the person off. Resolve not to waste your time on someone who’s so hostile. Go stand somewhere else. “I’m just going to go refill my drink, I’ll be right back…” At least this approach doesn’t add insult to injury, but it’s the exact polarizing, retreat into the echo chamber approach that is getting us into trouble.
Option #4: Roll over, give in, feel crappy about yourself is also an option. You might feel so badly about the person taking offence that you change your behaviour, perhaps needlessly. “Oh my goodness, I had no idea that talking about Accounting was offensive to you, I promise I’ll never mention them again!”
In this case, the offended person is imposing their standards on you, which isn’t necessarily appropriate.
A Better Option
1. Confirm your suspicions by sharing what you see. “It looks like what I said didn’t land well with you.” You’ll soon know whether the person took offense or was just taken aback.
2. If the person admits to being offended, don’t bolt. Start by saying, “It wasn’t my intent to offend you,” or “I didn’t realize that was offensive to you.”
3. Ask a question to get the person talking. “How did you interpret what I said?” or “What didn’t I understand?” or “What should I know about how that comment could be interpreted?”
4. Listen for clues and try to figure out the source of their concern. What is it that matters to them that your comment or behavior didn’t mesh with?
5. Validate the person by reflecting what you heard. If they revealed something about their perspective, be sure to show them that you got it. “I get it. You’re tired of the “bean counter” jokes because you’re sick of accounting always being portrayed as boring.”
6. Share your side. If you want to, take the opportunity to share where you’re coming from. “I guess I was just reacting to how much of our time it used on going over financials for things that have already happened. I want to talk about what to do next!”
7. Learn and adapt. Was there something you now understand that causes you to reconsider your position? If so, change your tune from now on. Are you still committed to your point, but willing to frame it differently so it’s less likely to cause offense? Great, that will be an improvement.
8. Thank the person for the conversation. Even if you don’t agree with them. Even if your perspective didn’t change one iota, thank them. At least you learned something, you forged a stronger connection. Just a simple, “Thanks for helping me see your point of view” will suffice.
We’re becoming very polarized lately. Unfortunately, we’re not giving ourselves the opportunity to learn something or work through it because we’re too easily offended by someone else taking offence.
When someone is offended by something you said, push through it and you both might learn something.
For more tips and tools on how to manage the messy stuff on your team, subscribe at lianedavey.com.